Touch Deprived
by Everythingisawesome001
Summary: "It isn't like I'm asking for grand romantic gestures or dates, but it's been three years dammit. He's... never even said that he loves me." Hinata makes a drastic attempt to see if he can figure out whether or not Tsukishima loved him, but he didn't think it would be this hard to pretend that nothing is wrong. T for mentions of sex.


**Hey There, it's an odd pairing, I know, but I hope you guys will like this!**

"Oi, it's been like half an hour and I'm getting stiff. Get off my lap."

...

"Gross, we just ﬁnished practice, idiot, and your hands are all sweaty. No, I'm not going to hold it."

...

"Hinata, you're so touchy. Do you not know what personal space is?"

...

Hinata had always known that Tsukishima wasn't a touchy person, but it had recently come into fruition just how true that statement was. It was one thing to not want to make out on a park bench, but it was another to get angry when you call your boyfriend by his ﬁrst name in public. Hinata could understand the former but the latter was way beyond his comprehension, especially considering the Karasuno giant didn't speak to him for a whole 2 days after the incident. Fast-forward to a month later and Hinata still had no idea how his partner of almost 3 years felt about him, and he was getting tired of having to listen to others talking about what a terrible partner Tsukishima would make and how naive Hinata was for tagging along for as long as he had despite the clear disinterest the taller held for the shorter.

"Bakageyama, Yama-chan, what do I do?" the short ginger whined as he jumped up from under the tree, at coach's convenient store, "Even stupid Kageyama will let you hug him in public. All I'm asking is for him to acknowledge me in public!" He sighed defeated before plopping back down to pick at his shoelaces, his pork dumplings long forgotten in the cold end of autumn winds.

"Come on, Hinata, it can't be that bad–" Kageyama started before he was interrupted by his sullen classmate.

"The other day, he yelled at me when I hugged him in the middle of the court for scoring that point," he said heavily, the sadness evident in his voice, "and it's not like any of you don't know that we're dating, the whole school knows. Suga-senpai was the one who told me to go for it." It was quiet for a moment. "It isn't like I'm asking for grand romantic gestures or dates, but it's been three years dammit. He should at least be comfortable enough around me to hug me and I understand why he wouldn't want to that in public, okay, but he won't even do it when we're alone. He's... never even said that he loves me." Hinata thought back to all the moments he had voiced his feelings and gotten turned down.

He remembered the time when they had sex for the umpteenth time and how he whispered the three words under his breath because of the heat of the moment and how, rather than replying, Tsukishima captured Hinata's mouth in his own so to distract him from the previous phrase. He remembered lying down afterwards next to him and repeating the phrase again, hoping to get the words reciprocated but having only been met with Tsukishima's back and silence.

He remembered their ﬁrst anniversary when he brought Tsukishima that cake and having been left alone by him because he had a paper due the next day and he remembered every anniversary, every birthday, every Valentine's day and every celebration being overlooked as though it was just another day. He thinks about how Tsukishima walking 3 feet ahead of him whenever they walk to school and having his earphones on, not giving the smaller boy a second look, even after having made love the previous night.

He thinks back to how when he confessed to Tsukishima, he was met with a passionate kiss but the next day everything went back to normal, as though they hadn't shared the best and the only kiss of Hinata's life at the time. The only clue that things had changed was how Tsukishima invited him to go studying after school on Wednesdays and Fridays and so their special tradition had begun. That being the only sign to Hinata that they were no longer just friends. Well, that and of course the sex.

After 5 minutes of deafening silence, Yamaguchi spoke up gently, "Hinata, Tsukki may not show it but he cares–"

"Then how can I know, Yama, even his actions show that he doesn't. It would be different if I knew that he showed his love in other ways, but he doesn't do that either. Take Bakayama for instance, he's shit at speaking about his feelings but he always shows them. Not to mention the fact that he doesn't shut up about you when the two of us hang out," Kageyama turned red at the words.

Yamaguchi turned to look at him, "is that right? You would think after two years, he would become less of a sap, but I guess I was wrong."

"S-shut Up, dumbass Hinata," he muttered as he took his boyfriend's hand, "where's your Stupidshima anyways?"

"He's at the library working on his Math homework. I'm going to go join him, I guess. Not that he would notice if I wasn't there," he stated, rubbing his hands together to avoid the cold, but more to prepare himself for what he was about to voice next, "Hey, Yama, does he ever talk to you about me when I'm not around? Does he tell you stuff that he doesn't say to my face?"

Yamaguchi connected his eyes with the ginger' "I could give you the answer you want but I think the honest answer what you need right now... he doesn't talk about you much, Hinata, but to be fair he never says much of anything when we're together. Also given your current mood, I don't think I want to tell you what he says."

"Yamaguchi, tell me please," Hinata demanded with an ambitious look in his eyes, a look he so rarely has off the ﬁeld.

The freckled teen looked at Kageyama before sighing and looking at Hinata, "Well... he talks a lot about your grades and how bad they were before, he also has a plethora of names for you and well... all I can say is, what he says to your face, he pretty much says behind your back," he stated awkwardly fidgeting as he witnessed the ginger's crestfallen face.

"Oh," Hinata looked so stunned and hurt. Kageyama's eyes suddenly lit up. He jumped up with an ambitious look on his face and placed both hands on his small volleyball partner's shoulder and shook him roughly.

"Two Weeks. Ignore him." Both the other boys looked at him in surprise and bemusement.

"What? Didn't you hear what I said, idiot? He wouldn't even know I was missing if I was gone for a whole month let alone two weeks" Hinata demanded.

The tall raven backtracked, "I don't mean like that. Don't touch him, don't try to hug him, don't kiss him, don't try to hold his hand. Resist when he tries to do it to you. I can almost guarantee that you're wrong. That he secretly cares a lot."

Hinata mulled over the idea, deﬁnitely intrigued. Maybe he could.

But...

"What if he doesn't react?"

Kageyama's face morphed into a more serious look, "then maybe the two of you need to sit down and discuss whether or not you two are truly happy in this relationship."

Hinata thought about it. He weighed the pros and cons in his head but neither inclined him to follow through and watch it play out or hold back and let things continue as they are. He was desperate, but was he desperate enough to risk the future of their relationship?

"Maybe I should. I might even get him to understand that I respect his boundaries. I just hope I can follow through with this."

.oOo. .oOo.

After the plan was created, the ginger bid his friends a goodbye and went in search of his aloof boyfriend. It didn't take long to ﬁnd him. He was in the back of the library, earphones in, scribbling notes into his worn-down notebook, completely unaware of his surroundings. Now normally, Hinata would jump onto his back, try (and fail) to put a kiss on his cheek and scurry into his seat when the librarian or some other student would tell him to shut up. But of course, that was not the plan today.

He quietly waved at the skeptical librarian, her owlish eyes watching for him to be his usual loud and rowdy self, before settling in the chair across for his boyfriend, who didn't even look up from the math equation that he was working on, the way he placed his pencil down for a second being the only indication that he knew that Hinata was there. But he didn't give it any more thought as he just picked it up and went back to work, their eyes not even meeting once. Hinata sighed and pulled out his homework, setting himself up to look totally oblivious.

They stayed there for another hour, the only words passing through them being about the math homework. But Hinata made sure to keep himself away from brushing his ﬁngers against his partner's or his hand briefly run through the other's hair even as his hands itched for some physical contact. He had zoned out for a good 2 minutes, but a light tap to his forehead brought him back to reality. He looked up and noticed his tall middle blocker staring down at him confused, as though he was expecting something he never quite got.

"It's past 5, we should get going," he said apathetically before placing his earphones back in and walking out, without a second look to the smaller boy, who still had to pack all of his things.

Hinata looked down and sighed. _'2 weeks'_ he thought, _'2 weeks._ ' He slowly got his stuff together so to give Tsukishima his distance, all while muttering 2 weeks under his breath. He left the library, bidding the librarian a good night before heading out the door. Now, he wished he could have said he was surprised that his boyfriend wasn't waiting for him at the door, but he really wasn't. And that both scared him and put him down as he jumped down the steps and started walking home apprehensively.

"What took so long, damn it? I made it through nearly 4 songs in the time it took you to get your shit together," a voice called out. He whirled around to see Tsukishima leaning against the side of the steps to the library, looking on impatiently that he had to be there. Hinata stared at him in surprise as though unsure if he was actually there.

"S-sorry, I dropped my folder a-and everything fell out," Hinata quickly replied. He meekly looked up into the fathomless golden brown of his partner's eyes, "You're still here? Waiting for me?" A multitude of emotions passed through the other's eyes. Tsukishima looked surprised for a second and Hinata thought he almost saw a whisper of sorry but it was quickly replaced with his ever-present annoyance.

"Yeah small fry, your turn to buy. Had it been my turn, I would have left already."

Oh right, of course. Screw him for thinking it was for any other reason.

1 week, six days and 22 hours left to go.

.oOo. .oOo.

 _1 week, four days and 15 hours_

"I think I came down with a cold. You shouldn't sit so close ya know."

...

 _1 week, three days and 12 hours left_

"Natsu got sick too because of me. My mom doesn't want anyone coming over and getting sick."

...

 _1 week, two days and 6 hours_

Hinata saw Tsukishima walking towards him in the hallway. Just as their eyes met, he bolted into the nearby bathroom, not leaving the stall until the bell for the third period had rung.

...

 _Six days, 20 hours … and 23 minutes_

He was so bored. Usually, on Fridays, he and his _boyfriend_ (he had never called Tsukishima that to his face) would head down to the bakery after spending an hour or two studying at the library and Hinata would pay for a strawberry shortcake for Tsukishima and something for himself (Tsukishima took Wednesdays to pay but he made up an excuse about having to study with Yachi, so he missed out on his chocolate cinnamon buns). But today Hinata made the plan to just slip out of school and go home, hoping he could avoid the middle blocker for just another week. Asahi walked him to the exit before bidding him goodbye and he had almost started to execute his plan before being interrupted.

A ﬁrm grip on his bag pulled him back before he could even get into motion. He turned and looked at his pissed off boyfriend, he tried to make a run for it but was stopped when Tsukishima moved to put himself at the bottom of the stairs effectively ruining any half-hearted plans he had made to attempt a mad dash to the gate. In truth, he just wanted to jump into the tall middle-blocker's arm and release the stream of tears that had been threatening to fall due to seeing his boyfriend properly for the ﬁrst time after ignoring him for the last week. But he knew he would only get pushed away so he held those tears back.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked icily. Hinata turned red as he briefly noticed their proximity. With the extra 3 inches the school steps gave him and Tsukishima leaning down slightly, the tall blonde's chin was almost close enough to get buried into his ginger locks, had he really wanted to. But Hinata was more distracted by the seething crinkle in his eyes to notice the closeness all too much and how he wasn't even listening to his ever-present music.

"Oi, idiot. I asked you a question and I expected an answer."

Hinata quickly snapped himself out of his trance and gave one of his well-practiced excuses-du-jour, "My mom wants me to run some errands for her so–"

"I already called your mother and she doesn't have shit for you to do. So let's go," Tsukishima mentioned tensely, his usual expression replaced with one maintaining pure anger.

Tsukishima turned and started walking away but Hinata tried one more time, desperation crawling into his voice, "a-actually Natsu wanted me to–"

"Save me your bullshit, Hinata, let's go," when Hinata realized that he had no say in the matter, he jumped down from the steps and followed his boyfriend towards the library. Hinata stared at the other's back, watching the muscles flex under his t-shirt as he placed in his earphones. The small setter watched the movement, holding a longing expression in his eyes but he pulled his attention away from that long enough to notice the expression etched on the taller boy's proﬁle. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Tsukishima look like this.

Well, actually, he could. He remembered when he was getting picked on by some upperclassmen for being gay, even though no one else in the school had any problem with it. He and Tsukishima had only been dating for six months at that point and the guys had walked by their table and called him a faggot. The look on Tsukishima's face as he stood up and looked them in the eye was straight up menacing, but it was nothing compared to his body language. His jaw tightened, his back tall and rigid and his ﬁsts tightened; ready to pummel him to the ground if he dared not apologize. That he reluctantly did, of course, because no one messes with Tsukishima Kei. Not to mention that Kageyama, Daichi, Tanaka and Asahi both looked ready to back him up should a ﬁght occur.

That was his look right now. His ﬁsts clenched and jaw tight as he walked briskly towards the library, music pounding loudly through the speakers of his earphones. It took everything out of him to keep up with the other's large steps. _He wouldn't even notice if I stop following him, would he?_ Hinata wondered as he cautiously stopped walking and watched as the distance between them grew. But his hopes were too high as Tsukishima eventually noticed the missing person and whirled around, looking livid. He began walking back towards Hinata.

Hinata started backing away nervously because, while he was aware that Tsukishima wouldn't ever do something as drastic as punching him, it wouldn't stop him from smacking the smaller upside in the head out of frustration. Instead, he was surprised at the latter stopped right in front of him, holding his hand out.

"Give me your bag," and so Hinata handed him his gym bag, which he swung onto his other shoulder before turning around and again walking at a slower pace. Hinata decided it was best not to look a gift horse (which in this case, was the lack of a smack to the back of his head) and follow his boyfriend without complaint. Besides, he didn't even have his bag now, so he couldn't leave even if he really wanted to.

They had reached the library, but he realized that Tsukishima had made no move to enter the library and, instead, kept on walking.

"W-wait, Tsukishima!" The ginger called as he picked up his pace, and stood in front of his boyfriend, effectively stopping him in his path. He gently put his arms on the other's chest, cringing internally for breaking his 2-week no-touch rule. But his boyfriend was upset and that was more important. Tsukishima's tense demeanour relaxed ever-so-slightly as Hinata gave him a small smile. Yet Hinata wasn't fooled by any means, his tall boyfriend was still pissed beyond belief but he wasn't bloodthirsty now. Hinata slowly reached into Tsukishima's hoodie pocket and pulled out his phone, pausing the music that the latter had been listening to, pleased to notice that his touch was not being rejected. Hinata took it a step further, going onto his toes to pull his earphones away from his ears, giving him another small smile as his ﬁngertips brushed the sides of his face tenderly, before stepping back, putting a canyon of distance between them once again. He didn't notice Tsukishima's face harden as Hinata stepped away. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at the other expectedly, brow raised in inquiry.

"We missed the library, where are we going?" Hinata asked as he turned away from those questioning eyes.

"Bakery," was the response. Hinata raised his eyebrows in surprise, because, in their three years, they rarely ever changed their tradition. The few times that it was changed, was simply due to emergency or when they weren't attending school, which was only for 2 weeks during the summer.

"No, we aren't, you are going to get your strawberry cake when we ﬁnish our homework for this weekend," Hinata explained slowly. Tsukishima didn't give in and his gaze hardened further.

"I think the fact that you're avoiding me is more important than some stupid biology homework. Not to mention the fact that you're avoiding me because his royal mistake told you so. The only problem now is that he wouldn't tell me why, so I'm going to have to get it out of you now," he replied haughtily. Hinata's blood went cold as he realized he was ﬁgured out. He felt his throat tighten and the lightheadedness. He slowly took deep breaths and closed his eyes in terror. _'no, no, no. Not now. Please not now'_ but it was too late as he felt his legs begin to lose feeling and he felt the wave of panic wash over him. It had been months since his last attack and he had forgotten what it felt like to be suffocated and feel so alone. The unaware blonde took his shaking wrist and pulled his shell-shocked body towards their favourite bakery, as the other futilely tried to get his arm back, only to have the grip harden.

"H-hey, Tsukishima, s-stop. That hurts," he spoke frantically, the panic evident in his voice, his breaths coming out in shallow huffs as he willed himself to stay standing and not let the anxiety get out of hand when all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball. Tsukishima immediately stopped walking as he realized what was happening and loosened his grip on Hinata's wrist, not quite letting go so to hinder him from slipping away. He knew. He knew what was happening and Hinata was terriﬁed at the aspect of being mocked because to this day, Tsukishima had only ever seen him like this 4 times and while he never spoke ill towards him after it happened, Hinata couldn't help but feel as though he could hear his boyfriend's thoughts and his disdain towards the uncontrollable behaviour.

Hinata watched with eyes wide and breaths shallow as his boyfriend take a deep breath and slowly slide his hand forward until it connected with his, gently tangling his long ﬁngers with his shorter ones without looking back. Hinata's eyes widened in surprise as he took in a sight that he thought he would never be able to see, and he could feel the tears again welling up in his eyes once again, only this time, he let them fall, somehow feeling both relief and anxiety washing over him, his two-week plan being thrown out the window as he revelled in the warmth spreading between their palms. He longed for this for so long and he wished that he was in the right mental state to have fully relished in the moment. He remembered all the times when he reached for Tsukishima's hand only to have him slip out only seconds later or flat-out reject and he knew that he shouldn't give in so easily, but his heart was telling him to not let this moment pass.

Despite not turning around, Hinata knew that Tsukishima knew the current emotional state of his partner by the way he stood there for a whole three minutes allowing his boyfriend to collect himself.

"If you're ready we can go," he stated quietly, his voice not betraying his emotions but at the same time, not holding the same tenor as it usually does, "the baker told us last time that she will be baking apple pie today. My treat."

Hinata wiped away his tears and nodded his head slowly, his throat being too clogged to talk. As if knowing Hinata's response, Tsukishima led them to the bakery hand in hand. They had arrived only five minutes later and to Hinata's disappointment, Tsukishima released his hand, deposited their bags at their regular table outside and headed in without a word, leaving Hinata standing at the table with the lingering feeling of another hand within his. He knew he shouldn't have but he followed the middle-blocker into the store, but for reasons he could not fathom, he did so anyway. He saw his boyfriend handing over the money for their baked goods before taking the two paper cartons in hand and bowing to the elderly baker in thanks.

Hinata took the time to take in the blonde's proﬁle. He remembered when his hair was short enough to be a buzzcut and how much longer it had grown, the top brushing the middles of his ear and the back tickling the part where his neck and spine met, a spot that Hinata loved to ﬁddle with when they were making out or taking it further. His gaze moved to his face and he could hear his mind ﬁlling him with thoughts that he would often have after a rough day.

 _He spends more time with Yamaguchi than he does with you, maybe he loves him more than he loves you._

 _It would make sense. Look at him and then look at you, do you think you were good enough for him?_

 _He has a future, you have nothing to offer him._

 _You were never worth anything to him._

 _He will ﬁnd someone better, better looking, less annoying and then he won't even remember your name._

 _He never loved you._

Having paid, Tsukishima turned to the door, boxes in hand and his eyes met those of his shorter partner's. Hinata looked away embarrassed, thinking back to the episode he had had only moments ago and the thoughts that clouded his heads only seconds ago. The blonde balanced both boxes in one hand and reached behind the ginger to open the door, ushering him out of the bakery.

"Now before you try to make a run for it, I want you to know that I called in 4 hours ago to make sure that they would the apple pie today. You know that it isn't in season and they would never make it at this time of year if not for me saying that it was for you," he stated as he motioned towards the barren trees and frostbitten ground, "so I suggest you at least stay and ﬁnish the pie otherwise Misuhashi-san will be very hurt."

Hinata licked his lips and scratched his neck nervously, "I wasn't planning on running. By the way, it's my day today, you should have called me in to pay," he replied, only to be met with a look of annoyance from his signiﬁcant other.

"I _said_ it would be my treat. Besides we skipped Wednesday so I needed to make it up to you." he stated whilst looking away, "whenever we miss your day, you're always scrambling to make it up to me, so I should do the same for you." He sat down in one of the chairs at the old yellow table, took his box before digging in. Hinata knew he couldn't get away even if he wanted to (which he didn't really want to by the way) so he sighed heavily and took a seat as well, grabbing his box, opening it, taking the fork and following in suit, but taking small nibbles of the sugary pastry.

They had only just begun to eat when Tsukishima began his interrogation, "considering what just happened I have a general idea of why you've been avoiding me, but I still want you to tell me, so I can make sure I'm not misreading things." Hinata didn't say a word and looked down at his barely eaten apple pie in stubbornness. Tsukishima sighed, "tell you what, shorty, you tell me what's wrong and I'll let you be in charge next time we do it," he said, a hint of teasing in his voice, but the offer only brought tears into Hinata's eyes once again, feeling his panic rise at the prospect of having to share what he internalized for so long.

Tsukishima's eyes softened by a fraction and his softy asked, "Tell me what's wrong, Hinata. I can't try and help you ﬁx it if I don't know the problem." Hinata could feel the lightheadedness coming back but he knew that if he didn't speak now, there would be no ﬁxing their relationship and Hinata would have to go on holding the burden of not being wanted in his heart or have to break things off, so he could avoid the pain.

"Tsukishima, don't you see? We're the problem," he stated tightly, "Us. I can't go on pretending that you love me when you obviously don't, and you shouldn't have to go on with someone who is an ever-present annoyance." He couldn't see properly because of the tears welling up in his eyes as he tried so hard to hold them back, "how can you ﬁx us?"

If Tsukishima was shocked by the proclamation, he sure as hell didn't show it.

"I think the real question here is how you think we're broken or how you have come to believe that I would have stuck around as long as I have if I didn't feel anything for you" Tsukishima replied, without a trace of emotion. Hinata's head snapped up in shock as he saw Tsukishima calmly put his earphones back into place and scroll through his music, unaware of Hinata's sadness being replaced with frustration and anger. He leaned forward and yanked the contraption from the other's ear, causing his head to snap up indignantly.

"This! This is what I mean. You- you always ignore me, we never celebrate anything, you have done nothing to show me that you love me, hell, you never even said that word and my name in the same context, you don't even touch me in public Tsukishima, unless it is to whack me in the head and-"

"My earphones."

"-you also never say anything nice to me. The only words leaving your mouth... wait, what? What does that have to do with anything?" he replied, bemused as he watched Tsukishima ﬁddle with the wire of his earphones.

"I had my headphones for almost 3 years before I stopped using them, Yamaguchi got them for my birthday and they had been all I ever used," he paused as he noticed Hinata wince at the sound of his best friends' name, "oi, whatever you're thinking about, stop. I have never have and never will feel whatever you think I feel for Yamaguchi. Besides, he obviously has a thing for idiots with baboon faces. Anyways, when did I stop using my headphones?"

Hinata didn't know where this was going but decided to amuse him, "I don't know, maybe 2 years ago. But what does that have to do with-"

"Good, you remember that but what you probably don't remember is the conversation you had with his highness before I got rid of them about how you hated that I completely block you out whenever I use my headphones and maybe you may feel better if I didn't leave you in complete silence," he stated.

Hinata's confused expression turned into one of realization, "You got earphones so I could listen with you? Why didn't you tell me that?"

"Moving on, you said I never celebrate anything, but do you really think that those surprise parties that we prepare in the gym were possible without someone planning them? Tanaka would have burned the gym down if I wasn't there to supervise everything and Akiteru and I spent all night making those dumb cakes because neither of us has a baking bone in our body."

"I thought that Yachi-chan..."

"She gave us the recipe, said it was your favourite. I also got those meat buns that you like so much by the way," Hinata stayed quiet so Tsukishima continued in a bored manner, "now as for the ignoring and no touching, that's just how I am Hinata, I have no excuse for that and I won't start now. We have sex, we make out, we do that on the DL and I ﬁgured that should be enough for you-"

"That's where you don't get it. I grew up not having that kind of love, the kind of hugs and cuddling that people use to express their love. My dad left when I was 6 and Natsu had just been born. He never loved me and he never loved our family," his started thinking back to his childhood and how he would hear his parents yelling while Natsu cried upstairs in his room, how his father would ignore him and not come home until the early hours of the morning and ﬁnally, him leaving without a goodbye. As much as his mother wanted to show him unconditional love, she had a newborn to take care of and a job to support their family. He was old enough to care for himself but that meant he grew up craving tangible forms of love having never had it.

"Hinata... I-"

"You didn't know? Of course you didn't know. You don't listen to me when I talk about anything that isn't volleyball or homework related, not that we talk all that much anyways. Even when I spend the night," he said quietly, blushing nonetheless, "you turn away, music on, making no indication that you want anything more with me than sex."

"So you want me to bring you flowers and write ballads of my love. Grow up, Hinata. That isn't the world we live in," Tsukishima scoffed. Hinata turned redder and turned away, hands clenched ﬁercely and Tsukishima knew he said something wrong just then.

"Shut up, Tsukishima. I may have wanted that once upon a time but I know now that that isn't possible with you. I'm stopped expecting shit like that from you a long time ago," he snapped, "you know what, let's end this. Save me the pain and you the trouble of pretending to care." He stated as he stood up and grabbed his bag. Without a second glance at Tsukishima, he began to walk away. He paused once more.

Tsukishima stared at his partner's slender back, stunned at his words. _...that isn't possible with you._ Tsukishima knew that he wasn't perfect, and if he was being honest, he was the furthest thing from it, but he always thought, well, hoped, that he never left Hinata with any expectations for him. He thought that despite their arguments and obstacles, Hinata was happy. But he wasn't. He thinks back to all the times he made fun of him, only now remembering the sadness that loomed in his brown eyes. In fact, there was that one time when he told Hinata that he was an idiot, he stayed awake for days studying, receiving a 100 percent on his English test and while his eyes shone with brightness, his body emulated the tiredness he was feeling but Tsukishima ignored that too. He made his boyfriend so unhappy, that he gave up on voicing what he wanted from the other. And that broke his supposedly shrivelled heart.

"I never wanted to admit it but I hate seeing Kageyama and Yama-chan walking hand in hand while you call me an idiot and leave me alone, I hate how Kageyama ended up being a better boyfriend than you. You can't expect me to be okay, knowing that people talk about how stupid I am following you around like a puppy and how you never say a good thing behind my back or to my face even. I don't want to be a tool that you can use in the bedroom until you ﬁnd someone better," he stated sullenly, "I've said my piece. Now, I know you probably don't care enough to respond so I'll just end this now."

Tsukishima once again broke his silence, a hint of desperation in his voice despite the harsh word. He needed to ﬁx this, he needed to ignite the spark his boyfriend always had but lost because of him. He needed Hinata to know that he should never give up on them.

"Idiot." Hinata looked over perplexed and opened his mouth to rebuttal. But was interrupted before he could respond to the insult by the slightly desperate voice. "I-I love you. And I know that I've loved you for a long time but don't ask me how long because I don't know," Tsukishima stated, his voice softening, revealing all his emotions despite the blankness of his face, "I love your hyperactivity, even if you think I don't, I love your passion for everything and how hard you work at anything you set your mind to, I love you even when you think the anxiety that you try so hard to hide makes it difficult for me to do so. It doesn't by the way, not in any way. I count down the hours until we get to meet up and do this and don't you think that I have ever thought otherwise."

Hinata had no idea what to say to this confession and his heart fluttered at a mile a minute. He never thought that this day would come and he felt as though he ﬁnally found a sliver of solace in their tumultuous relationship.

"Tsukishima, get up." Tsukishima stood up with inquiry written on his face but was unable to form a question as the small ginger launched himself at his body giving him only seconds to catch his balance.

"Hey, you moron, get off, I could've broken something if I didn't catch you," he groaned but Hinata felt Tsukishima's arms slowly crawl up to wrap around his waist, gently rubbing his back allowing Hinata to collect all the emotions he was feeling, "… or, on second thought, I guess I can let you have your moment this one time." They stood like that for mere minutes, the tall boy cradling his trembling little team member as he tightened his grip on his shoulder. He allowed himself to let go of his hesitation and allow himself to simply give the boy what he had been craving for so long, pushing him to remember why they started dating in the ﬁrst place.

Hinata pulled away with a smile on his face, taking both of Tsukishima's hands tightly in his own as his eyes glazed over, and he whispered, "that's all I've ever wanted Jerkishima."

Tsukishima smirked and tightened his own grip on his hands, "now, I assume you have to reply with the same words."

"You know I love you, Tsukishima, even when you're being an asshole. Because at the end of the day, you're my asshole."

Tsukishima ﬁddled with Hinata's ﬁngers rubbing the pads of his ﬁngers along the bruised knuckles of the smaller ﬁngers, ear turning red when he next spoke, "I'm only going to do this once, dwarfling, so don't ever ask again."

"Wha-" and before he could even form a question, Tsukishima had leaned down and forward just enough so that there was less than a whisper of space between them before Hinata's lips were covered by the very warm ones of his partner's in a soft and very chaste kiss. A kiss that Tsukishima rarely offered up willingly, in private let alone in public. Hinata closed his eyes and went up on his toes, hooking his arms around his neck to play with the small blonde hairs at the back of his neck while Tsukishima wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer as their lips moved in their familiar dance. Hinata gently licked his boyfriend's bottom lip, until he opened his mouth allowing their tongues so glide over each other's in languid movements. Tsukishima moved one hand from his waist to his cheek, caressing his face lovingly. After what only felt like seconds, Tsukishima pulled away and leaned his forehead against his lovers as they both looked at each other, breathless.

Tsukishima huffed in stubborn satisfaction as he watched the smile light up Hinata's face after weeks of fake smiles and dimness.

"You aren't going anywhere, munchkin. You're kind of stuck with me," Tsukishima mentioned cockily before allowing himself to add, "and I promise you're never going to feel like you're unwanted again, but I'm not going to change overnight but I will try my best... that is, if you still want to stick around."

"Yeah well, I have no complaints about it."

They stayed there for a few more seconds and Hinata giggles.

"You said that Bakayama had a baboon face."

Tsukishima scoffed and placed a small kiss on Hinata's forehead before letting go and sitting back down, "Yeah, well. I'm not lying. Now are you going to sit down or what?"

.oOo. .oOo.

Things were different after that and everyone noticed it when Tsukishima walked in the gym the next Monday with the little wonder on his back as he talked animatedly about some nonsense. They noticed it when instead of scowling and dumping the boy onto the floor, he crouched down and deposited his body gently into a sitting position, never once telling him to shut up or walking away and instead standing over him, offering nods occasionally to whatever nonsense he was sputtering until Yamaguchi reluctantly called in the team to start practice. It was then when everyone noticed the way Tsukishima offered a small smile to his partner and held a hand out to pull him up from his crossed legged position on the floor, holding the small hand for a few moments even after Hinata was upright.

Kageyama was later questioned by Hinata as to why he would make the plan and then tell Tsukishima about it only a week later. "Well, ﬁrst off you were miserable for the entire week and it was affecting your performance, I ﬁgured the only way to make you shut up and be happy was to get you two to talk. Second of all, it wasn't just you that was being affected. Tadashi told me that Stupidshima was bummed out the whole week and that he didn't even bother practicing after school because he was trying to ﬁgure out what was wrong with you," he replied simply.

Hinata glanced over at his boyfriend as he sat at the cafeteria table with his earphones plugged in, maintaining his aloof demeanour as the rest of the team talked animatedly about their upcoming game. He watched the bespeckled eyes ﬁnd his and the brief nod of his head to acknowledge his existence. But he also saw the tiniest quirk of his lips as he held the other's gaze before turning back to one of the new ﬁrst year members as he questioned him on something or another.

"Well... thanks Kageyama, I guess you're slightly smarter than I initially thought," Hinata joked, however, before he allowed the blue-eyed raven to reply, he dashed over to sit in the vacant seat that the blonde had saved for him and watched as his best friend did the same next to the freckled boy, the taller raven tangling his ﬁngers with those of the shorter one before pressing a kiss to the side of his head. Tsukishima didn't glance over to Hinata at all and continued to listen to his blaring music silently as two second years started a dissing competition with the ﬁrst years.

Hinata slowly reached over and plucked out one of Tsukishima's earphones and placing it in his own ear, glancing to see if the tall third year would react in a negative way of having his music disrupted but was pleased to see that he didn't so much as send him an annoyed look. Hinata sat back blissfully and allowed the music to wash over him while listening to the rest of the team. What he didn't notice was the softening of Tsukishima's eyes as he glanced sideways at his little partner and the way he slid sideways a little so to be closer to the boy he loved. He did, however, notice how the antisocial teen gently placed his hand atop the other and weaved their ﬁngers together inconspicuously. And those moments mattered most to him.

 **Thanks again, for reading. Please let me know how this was! I appreciate all constructive criticism.**

 **Until next time!**

 **Everythingisawesome001**


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